ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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