I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
