did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
