He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize