Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
