she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
