Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
