Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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