Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
