My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
