I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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