i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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