I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
