Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
