Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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