he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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