I wish I only lived at night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
