Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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