i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
