I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I faked an abortion last night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
