Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize