I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just want to make out with him forever
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
