i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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