dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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