i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
