I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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