And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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