can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize