Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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