I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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