Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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