Can i not drive my cunt home
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
