i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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