Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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