At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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