Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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