I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
