So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize