sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
