ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
