Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
