this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
