Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
