well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
