u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
