is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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