dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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