Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
