your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
