I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
