Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
