I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We had sex on a dog bed..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
