Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
