At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize