I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
