i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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