Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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