So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
