I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The uberlube is also flammable
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
