After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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