i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize