You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
