Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
