He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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