I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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