I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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