Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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