I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
