Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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